That's Some Talent!

Heard on the radio on the way to work yesterday:

"I like to smoke my own meat."

Yeah, I'm infantile enough that I laughed but it was a good start to the day.

Death By Amy

Whoever mentioned Amy Winehouse yesterday needs to die. Her crap permeated my already disturbing dreams last night.

Nut Grabber - You Know You Want One

Watch Your Productivity Tank

So it's been almost two weeks since moving to the new digs and the first week, understandably, was getting used to the place. So some dip in productivity was expected. This week has been almost worse. I can't seem to get more than 2 contiguous hours at my computer to do anything. And that's not enough time to get into any sort of coding groove. Basically my entire morning is wasted with bullshit. Let's analyze the typical day:

Arrive around 8:30, put my crap away, dock my laptop (taking that home every night is a bitch, let me tell you), get some water and check some email.

9:00 am morning standup. I'll confess that most times I don't go any more. Instead I fire up Eclipse and delude myself into thinking I'll actually write a line of code yet people arriving at staggered times means there's an hour of "good mornings" and catching up on what people did last night. I'm sure they'd really like to know that I spent a half hour in the mirror plucking my eyebrows.

10:00 am project standup. I'd point to this one as the biggest bust except that it butts right up against another time block...

10:30 am personal time. This is getting annoying but since it piggy-backs on the boring 10 am standup-where-everyone-sits-down it's tolerable.

11:00 am - finally an opportunity to work. BUT WAIT! Lunch time is just around the corner. Don't bother getting engaged in productive work, catch up on emails that have come in since leaving my desk.

Lunchtime - anywhere from a half hour in the lunch room to an hour and a half out somewhere.

12:30ish pm - wow, a chance to actually work. I give it a go...

2:30 pm personal time again. This is the really really annoying one that sometimes doesn't happen until 3:00 because I don't want to break my flow. I'm doing the right thing for my daughter, so I keep at it.

3:00 pm finally time to work. Flow was lost, so I catch up on emails until I feel the desire to be productive seep back into me.

4:30/5:00 pm time to think about going home. Dad's home with the kids alone and freaks out if I'm too late. Daughter's hungry, you know.

So to summarize... two chances to get into a productive programming flow that last at most 2 hours each. And that's if I don't have any other scheduled meetings, usually around 11 or 2 or 3, just right to interrupt any chance of being at all productive.

I need to figure this one out.

Who Doesn't Love Bacon-Wrapped Beef[cake]?

So it's a Saturday night and I'm dinking around on the computer tweaking some [hold on while I take off my watch as it's digging into my flesh] xsl code and I take a break to browse some of my new regular sites. Lo and behold I am led to this fabuloso item. [Sidebar: I'm posting a link to the image because I don't want to steal images even tho I would not try to pass it off as my own but the site sucks ass so hard I can't direct-link to the item for purchase - seriously, you should check out the site, it's a really stupid user experience.]

I can't help but picture this item on 300 spartans - 300 bacon-wrapped beefcakes. Like 300 filet mignons to share with your 298 closest friends (I reserved 2 for myself - it's my blog, my fantasies).

Don't Send A Search Party

If I don't show up for work one day inexplicably, don't send a search party or the police, send an exterminator.  I've been eaten by a giant spider and it needs to be stopped before it eats the rest of my family...

I found this fucker in my shower one morning. I am deathly afraid of spiders yet I managed to not only take a picture of the damn thing but also kill it with a spray bottle of bleach which also had the added benefit of cleaning the tub as well. So practical.

It's amazing how long your day can feel when you leave work early on a Friday.