Crambosauce

Never Go Up Against A Bigger Guy Without A Weapon

2007-10-21T21:06:00.000-05:00

So hubs is really good at pumping the neighbors for information and he managed to find out that apparently one neighbor stopped another neighbor from confronting yet another neighbor. Something like "Dude, do you have a weapon? Because otherwise you don't stand a chance." So true.

She showed up at neighbor's house Saturday, dropped off some branches. I think that's a signal for meet me at the Holiday Inn on Cedar.

Oh and now everyone's garages are kept closed. Could be the cold weather. Could be something else.

I Know I Am Uncool

2007-10-14T22:06:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I'm crafty. I'm pretty sure that makes me uncool. But I never pretended otherwise.

My latest creation:

Someday I'll get better at taking pics of my craftiness.

A Man and His Garage

2007-10-08T06:32:00.001-05:00

"I don't love you any more. I hit it with the neighbor guy and the whole neighborhood knows. I am moving out. But hey, let's watch TV in the garage together."

There's this weird phenomenon in this area where people set up "dens" in their garages. Old couch, a rug and a TV, usually the big one of the house. The garage is an extension of the house, cars belong in the driveway and we have sheds for all our other crap.

We are one of the few who actually park our cars in the garage. Religiously. I don't want to have to scrape snow or schlepp two kids out to the car in the rain. That's what garages are for. Or so I thought.

Quote of the Day

2007-09-30T22:43:00.000-05:00

"Only a retard would go to that much effort just to cuddle!"

(In response to my previous position on the salami-hiding.)

They still all play cards together. Guy has no self-respect. He can't be long for this neighborhood either, I suspect.

The Plot Thickens...

2007-09-29T12:04:00.000-05:00

Sooooo...... guess who's splitting up... moving out... hitting the road.

And just a few weeks ago one borrowed the other's mower. I don't think there's been any "hide the salami" (as my hubbie so delicately puts it) but he disagrees.

I'm sure lips will losen up more once evacuation is complete. More dirt then. =)

That's Some Talent!

2007-09-26T06:34:00.000-05:00

Heard on the radio on the way to work yesterday:

"I like to smoke my own meat."

Yeah, I'm infantile enough that I laughed but it was a good start to the day.

Death By Amy

2007-09-20T20:48:00.000-05:00

Whoever mentioned Amy Winehouse yesterday needs to die. Her crap permeated my already disturbing dreams last night.

Nut Grabber - You Know You Want One

2007-09-19T21:12:00.000-05:00

Watch Your Productivity Tank

2007-09-19T20:53:00.000-05:00

So it's been almost two weeks since moving to the new digs and the first week, understandably, was getting used to the place. So some dip in productivity was expected. This week has been almost worse. I can't seem to get more than 2 contiguous hours at my computer to do anything. And that's not enough time to get into any sort of coding groove. Basically my entire morning is wasted with bullshit. Let's analyze the typical day:

Arrive around 8:30, put my crap away, dock my laptop (taking that home every night is a bitch, let me tell you), get some water and check some email.

9:00 am morning standup. I'll confess that most times I don't go any more. Instead I fire up Eclipse and delude myself into thinking I'll actually write a line of code yet people arriving at staggered times means there's an hour of "good mornings" and catching up on what people did last night. I'm sure they'd really like to know that I spent a half hour in the mirror plucking my eyebrows.

10:00 am project standup. I'd point to this one as the biggest bust except that it butts right up against another time block...

10:30 am personal time. This is getting annoying but since it piggy-backs on the boring 10 am standup-where-everyone-sits-down it's tolerable.

11:00 am - finally an opportunity to work. BUT WAIT! Lunch time is just around the corner. Don't bother getting engaged in productive work, catch up on emails that have come in since leaving my desk.

Lunchtime - anywhere from a half hour in the lunch room to an hour and a half out somewhere.

12:30ish pm - wow, a chance to actually work. I give it a go...

2:30 pm personal time again. This is the really really annoying one that sometimes doesn't happen until 3:00 because I don't want to break my flow. I'm doing the right thing for my daughter, so I keep at it.

3:00 pm finally time to work. Flow was lost, so I catch up on emails until I feel the desire to be productive seep back into me.

4:30/5:00 pm time to think about going home. Dad's home with the kids alone and freaks out if I'm too late. Daughter's hungry, you know.

So to summarize... two chances to get into a productive programming flow that last at most 2 hours each. And that's if I don't have any other scheduled meetings, usually around 11 or 2 or 3, just right to interrupt any chance of being at all productive.

I need to figure this one out.

Who Doesn't Love Bacon-Wrapped Beef[cake]?

2007-09-15T22:25:00.000-05:00

So it's a Saturday night and I'm dinking around on the computer tweaking some [hold on while I take off my watch as it's digging into my flesh] xsl code and I take a break to browse some of my new regular sites. Lo and behold I am led to this fabuloso item. [Sidebar: I'm posting a link to the image because I don't want to steal images even tho I would not try to pass it off as my own but the site sucks ass so hard I can't direct-link to the item for purchase - seriously, you should check out the site, it's a really stupid user experience.]

I can't help but picture this item on 300 spartans - 300 bacon-wrapped beefcakes. Like 300 filet mignons to share with your 298 closest friends (I reserved 2 for myself - it's my blog, my fantasies).

Don't Send A Search Party

2007-09-14T06:33:00.000-05:00

If I don't show up for work one day inexplicably, don't send a search party or the police, send an exterminator. I've been eaten by a giant spider and it needs to be stopped before it eats the rest of my family...

I found this fucker in my shower one morning. I am deathly afraid of spiders yet I managed to not only take a picture of the damn thing but also kill it with a spray bottle of bleach which also had the added benefit of cleaning the tub as well. So practical.

2007-09-08T06:22:00.000-05:00

It's amazing how long your day can feel when you leave work early on a Friday.

Sunday Ass-Cookoff

2007-08-26T19:44:00.000-05:00

It's Sunday and I cooked my ass off. Roasted chicken, au gratin potatoes and garlic green beans. I freaking love au gratin potatoes and I never make them. Mostly because they take like an hour and a half to cook and I don't plan far enough ahead. For the first time since I've had it (for like 8 years) I used the food processor to do something more than chop stuff. I used it to slice the potatoes and shred the cheese - and it was sweet! I long for more discs.

So since I was cooking like all afternoon it got a little warm running the oven for 2 hours and I was sweating my ass off. I'm sure you were dying to know that.

Finally watched 300, aka 2 hours of sweaty beefcake. WTF was up with all the freaky wierdness from the Persians? When the Spartans pushed the enemy over the cliff all I heard was this. I love the internet. Where else can you get such yummy goodness?

Okay, I Suck

2007-08-20T07:44:00.000-05:00

It's been 10 days. I suck. I definitely need to try harder. I had a plan but I didn't execute on it - story of my life.

How Much Buttcrack Would a Buttcrack Show If A Buttcrack Could Show Crack?

2007-08-10T19:03:00.000-05:00

Well, that's a mouthful. But that's nothing compared to the eyeful of buttcrack I got today from not one but TWO people. Here's a tip: Don't bend over at work.

Another Overheard In The Office Moment:

Visitor: I have a rather large package...
Me: That's TMI, man.

What does it say about me that I'm blogging at 7pm on a friday night? I could be working, I suppose. Is that worse?

Overheard in the Office

2007-08-06T20:29:00.000-05:00

It went something like this...

roomie: Why didn't you change my calendar [to August]?
me: I didn't want to get near the underwear.
roomie: You can change my calendar without touching my nuts.

Speaking of nuts - watch this.

In other news...

I hit rock bottom this weekend for 30 minutes flipping between "The Two Coreys" and "Flipping Out". Oh yeah, it was bad. If it helps to think better of me I was sleep deprived and in desperate need of a nap. The guy on "Flipping Out" seriously needs to lay off the collagen in the lips. And "The Two Coreys" was nothing more than a train wreck. Dear Corey Haim, The Lost Boys was 20 years ago and it wasn't even that great. Get. Over. It.

So now I'm on a trek to watch 30 hours of Discovery and History Channel to break even.

Something About Me

2007-08-01T12:37:00.000-05:00

I've been catching up on my music and listening to Arcade Fire's Neon Bible. I don't listen to music much at work mostly because I'm up and down from my desk so it's kind of inconvenient. Anyway... who but Arcade Fire can make the organ sound bad ass (at least I think that's an organ on Intervention)? Couple of the songs remind me of The New Pornographers, probably because of the female voice. Watch, someone will tell me that's her and I'll be a total dimwit. I admit, I'm not fanatic about my music. I like what sounds good to my ears and I don't follow the behind-the-scenes scene so I don't know shit about what I'm listening to, I only know it sounds good.

Some bands I like (and own multiple CDs of or would if I knew they had more than one):

Radiohead
The Arcade Fire (obviously)
Snow Patrol
Blue October (funny story - I also own a CD from the UK band and it's pretty damn good, too)
Alanis Morissette (takes me back to my 20s)
Coldplay
Death Cab for Cutie
The New Pornographers
The Shins
The Killers (I'm on a "The" spree)

I used to be a huge Tom Petty fan, even his late stuff. I assume everyone is a U2 fan. Does that date me? I'm old... but I'm worth it.

I'm an Animal Graveyard

2007-07-31T08:03:00.000-05:00

Check out this article about extreme veganism (is that paired vegetable-eating?). These people are hilarious.

"I would not want to be intimate with someone whose body is literally made up from the bodies of others who have died for their sustenance," she said.

So those vegetables didn't die for their sustenance?

"When you are vegan or vegetarian, you are very aware that when people eat a meaty diet, they are kind of a graveyard for animals," she said.

A graveyard for animals. Bring on the meat, baby!

Inappropriate Text Messaging

2007-07-28T13:14:00.000-05:00

So... hypothetically speaking... let's say you happen into a restroom in public or even at work. Let's also say that something "interesting" is going on in the stall next to you. Could be two people going at it or even as whacky as someone eating fast food.

Would you use your phone and text message a friend/coworker to come in and check it out?

I would. Hell, I might even fire up the camera and record it. The internet loves that shit.

Guess What This Is

2007-07-26T21:10:00.000-05:00

A new camera joined our family so I'm trying to get my funk on and see art in every day things. See if you can guess what this is a picture of...

HINT: The moon gives it away.

Flash of Non Brilliance

2007-07-24T21:16:00.000-05:00

Divorce = Going Halfies

Conditioner

2007-07-23T20:35:00.000-05:00

He remembered me, that's all I gotta say. :-)

Awkward Moment #1

2007-07-23T19:11:00.000-05:00

You tell someone you created a blog and you don't have much content on it and you might not even be done designing it yet but they go look at it anyway and read your lame post while you're standing there.

Complaint #1

2007-07-21T15:12:00.000-05:00

So I was reading in this magazine today that complainers stay mad longer. I always thought venting was better for letting things go which seemed like a reasonable excuse for complaining my ass off. I guess I should stop, or at least dial it back a few percent. We'll see how that goes seeing as how I swore I'd say the eff word at work less but it seems after two months I'm right back where I was before effing it up all over the place.

I blame my roomie. I only have a couple more months to do that. :-(